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A desk mat featuring soft watercolor-style peonies in shades of pink and blush. Green leaves frame the florals on a white background. The text reads, “Why is my desk mat dressed like a romance novel?” followed by “Simple. Because HR said no dice on the shirtless billionaire.”
The desk mat is displayed in front of a standing full-size computer screen for use with a separate keyboard.
The desk mat is displayed with a laptop nearby and a mouse on it, with assorted office items lying on the desk as well.
Close-up look at a corner of the desk mat.
An image of the back of the desk pad showing the thickness of the neoprene.
A desk mat featuring soft watercolor-style peonies in shades of pink and blush. Green leaves frame the florals on a white background. The text reads, “Why is my desk mat dressed like a romance novel?” followed by “Simple. Because HR said no dice on the shirtless billionaire.”
A desk mat featuring soft watercolor-style peonies in shades of pink and blush. Green leaves frame the florals on a white background. The text reads, “Why is my desk mat dressed like a romance novel?” followed by “Simple. Because HR said no dice on the shirtless billionaire.”
A desk mat featuring soft watercolor-style peonies in shades of pink and blush. Green leaves frame the florals on a white background. The text reads, “Why is my desk mat dressed like a romance novel?” followed by “Simple. Because HR said no dice on the shirtless billionaire.”
The desk mat is displayed in front of a standing full-size computer screen for use with a separate keyboard.
The desk mat is displayed with a laptop nearby and a mouse on it, with assorted office items lying on the desk as well.
Close-up look at a corner of the desk mat.
An image of the back of the desk pad showing the thickness of the neoprene.
A desk mat featuring soft watercolor-style peonies in shades of pink and blush. Green leaves frame the florals on a white background. The text reads, “Why is my desk mat dressed like a romance novel?” followed by “Simple. Because HR said no dice on the shirtless billionaire.”
A desk mat featuring soft watercolor-style peonies in shades of pink and blush. Green leaves frame the florals on a white background. The text reads, “Why is my desk mat dressed like a romance novel?” followed by “Simple. Because HR said no dice on the shirtless billionaire.”

All Bloom, Zero Blush - Sassy Desk Mat For Romance Fans (Free U.S. Shipping)

We designed this desk mat for those who have to meet office decor standards while secretly signaling to the smut sisterhood that you’re one of them.

The genius of it is its soft floral design, allowing it to pass under HR's radar like a seasoned romance heroine sneaking into her fake fiancé's bedroom.

This mat is your decoy—polite, pastel, and perfect for professional settings. But if it could talk? It would whisper not to judge a person by their desk pad. 

Add this to your cart and keep looking innocent. Your secret’s safe with us.

Product features

  • Non-slip bottom
  • Durable hemmed edges
  • Made from 100% Neoprene
  • Available in three sizes
  • Warm water and dish soap to clean spots off
  • Soft-bristled brush for hard-to-clean spots
FYI: Colors may look a smidge different IRL. Blame your screen, not us—we’re fabulous in all resolutions.
Made-to-order means you don’t get your steamy goods overnight. Please allow 1-2 business days for production + 5–7 for delivery.
$34.99
$34.99
Sold Out

Size: 12" × 22"

Sku: 10193797922263890349


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